Who am I

My beginning was many years ago.  Both of  my parents had been married before their marriage to each other and so I was the youngest of 5 children but yet the only child from my parents together.  It was confusing and I even didn't understand it during my younger years.  Let's see if I can thoroughly confuse you.

My dad was married twice before marrying my mom.  With the first marriage a son was born, my brother, but I could just walk by him on the street and not even know. I did go to his wedding when I was 10 years old but that was along time ago.  I don't even know if he has any children.  I have thought about contacting him but struggle with what I would say and what the expectations would be afterwards. So...I have done nothing and I hope someday I don't regret that choice. Then the second marriage brought a daughter.  I spent some time with my sister growing up and I really looked up to her.  I wanted to be like her, she seemed so beautiful and exciting but as the years have worn on we have grown apart. My dad has no connection with either of them.

My mom was married once before my dad.  In that marriage my mom had a daughter and a son. Then my mom and dad married and I was born.  I grew up with both of my mom's first children.  I was told several times during the years that they wished I would just go back to where I came from.  They would laugh at their joke but to me...it hurt.  I was an interruption and felt I was not welcome.  I had great fear being away from my mom when I was young because I thought that just maybe she agreed with them.  Someday they would leave and be the family they were supposed to be, without me. I have questioned so many times, where do I belong, where do I fit in?

How does this affect my journey now? Unfortunately, I have let it affect me to easily on to many occasions. It is my choice how I respond to the feelings that I conjure up from thinking about it, writing about and/or talking about it.  Sure, I could ignore that this is how I felt but I have tried that and it really doesn't work.  What has worked for me is using God's provision.  He already paved the path to freedom for me. I just have to join Him and He will walk with me through this and anything else that comes along during this journey.  The project begins for me and the first stop is knowing my identity in Christ.

• I am chosen by God. (Ephesians 1:4)
• I am adopted by God. (Ephesians 1:5)
• I am a child of God in His family. (1 John 3:1)
• I am forgiven of all of my sins. (1 John 1:9)
• I am called to accomplish God's purposes. (Romans 8:28-30)
• I am complete in Christ. (Colossians 2:10)

This is just a few of the answers to the big question,"Who am I in Christ?" I am special, I am loved and I belong to Him...there is great comfort in knowing this.

                                                    "Jesus loves me this I know"!